An Ode to my Alto

Wrote this poem on 26th Jan 2010, the day my car crossed 30000kms. Today, when it crosses 40000kms, its time to revist the ode


twas the all fools day of 2006 when we first met, 
on your shiny blue exterior my eyes set

it was the beginning of a beautiful ride... 
a road we took together and swam the tide

i have caused you some harm, you have caused me none
u have taken me places and got things done

when the night is young and the roads are empty... 
the thrill to take you past 120

all those small joys we have shared.... 
those moments of anguish u have had to bear

you have been with me thru thick and thin... 
a real true friend u have been
 
many a moods you have shaped... 
many a thoughts u have braced

and now as u grow old it occurs to me... 
together always we shall not be
 
but u will always hold a special place in my heart.. 
cos u were my first and hopefully not my last

you are and will always me... my first and favouritest car!

 

My generation

I am a youth of the 21st century
I only see what's in my face

I have a shot attention span
And love the media for manipulating this

I have opinions on all issues,
as under thought and under researched as they may be
After all Ignorance is bliss

And who has time after PS3

I believe in presentation over substance
after all its so easy to judge it
who will dig the fact when all one does
Is applaud and go home and forget

I believe online petitions n good intentions change the world
since they are so convenient to do

Its better than cribbing from my armchair
which also i love to do

I generally take out my frustration on innocent call center execs
and any other meek around
And believe consumption is the solution
To everything that's sad and unsound

I am the youth of the 21st century
there is so much I wish to do
but then, all I can do is write this poem
because I Suck, honestly I do!

of consumption and the environment

Some thoughts that have been churning in my head since a while now, think this a good forum to voice them

A lot of us are aware about our environment and do our bit in trying to sustain it. I used to hold the elitist view that the urban educated upper middle class is most environmentally conscious but this view has since changed. Infact, unintentionally as it may be, I feel that we are the biggest culprits.
The charge that I levy against all of us is unchecked consumerism and consumption. Please do not misunderstand, I am not proposing that we all give up our indulgences and live an austere lifestyle. However, we certainly need to check our consumption.

How much of what we purchase do we throw? Every object that we purchase has consumed some natural resource. That apart, there are always a few byproducts in the production process. And the most criminal of all, completely wasteful packaging. I have never understood why corporations give so much packaging. In many cases, 90% of the packing is waste, only 10% is protecting the product and keeping it perfect for consumption. Chocolates are the biggest culprits (industry wise) in this area. There seems to be an unfortunate perception that the bigger the brand, the more elaborate the packaging should be. Even something as simple as a shirt comes with equal lengths of paper and plastic.

The point I am trying to make is that every single consumption is impacting the environment. This does not imply we stop consuming. But can we please be more measured in our consumption. What is the point of having one car per family member, that too in a city like Mumbai, with its public transport? Shopping to improve one’s mood should be a crime punishable by law (kidding). And just how weak is your constitution that you need mineral water in Mumbai? Do you actually need a new mobile every 6 months? The idea is to buy and consume what one genuinely wants (and one has every right to want a Europe holiday or a bigger car or an AC in the living room) and what one will genuinely utilize. Any article that will be not be used adequately should be avoided. Another idea is, given a choice, to prefer articles which are less packaging intensive. Once the corporations see this preference, they will automatically look for more innovative, less wasteful solutions. Another area is the wasteful Indian culture of gift giving. Most of the gift giving is pure formality and leads to passing around of useless articles which are finally junked. Why can’t we all move to vouchers and wish lists?

I am not trying to start a revolution here. Nor do I intend to preach. I may be more guilty of the above charge that a lot of you. However, it is an idea that is worth a though. Please consider the above and make your choice. If each one avoids an avoidable consumption, we would have probably prevented production of 1 additional object and helped sustain resources longer.

5 stages of flab

You, yes you. Don’t look away. This article is addressed to you too. If you don’t agree, then you are in stage three. If you are perspiring now then you are in stage 1. Or you were just a fat kid. Anyway here is the intro…

Ladies and gentlemen, all the great writers in the world have analysed and taken apart every worthy topic under the sun. From glass ceilings to breaking up of the Joint family; from US policy towards Pakistan to owning a car. Every topic has been taken apart from the analytical, logical, psychological, spiritual and every other ‘cal’ level. This leaves nothing from us newbies.
Or does it…. There is one very relevant issue that I have really not read much about.

I have given this issue great though (those enormous hours looking blankly at the computer screen at work) and deep analysis. I have spent hours interviewing candidates in each stage. (Ok, so I have just discussed the weather with people who I now assign to these stages, but what the hell). I think I have done enough due diligence to this topic (for those who know me well, u know what I mean, basically I just thought it up as I wrote)
So here goes…
The 5 stages of flab (Any resemblance to any other 5 stages is just a figment of your fertile imagination)

Please note that while the stages are arranged in a logical and chronological order, some people may skip a certain stage and also move between stages for a while

Stage 1: Panic
The first stage. You are young and fit and popular, life’s good. Shopping is so much fun. Then one day it hits you. You notice a small layer of flab. Very soon your favourite pair of jeans doesn’t fit as well. You do the only logical thing, Panic!!
This stage is characterized by detailed investigation of your torso in front of the bathroom mirror, pinching of body parts, constant self awareness and immediate change in dress sense. It is also characterized by an aversion to going shopping. It’s a good time for men whose wives have reached this stage.
Our analysis reveals that this is the most traumatic stage with extreme cases even contemplating suicide. This stage almost always leads to stage 2

Stage 2: Action
The most dynamic and physical stage, also the most pointless one. It is a stage characterized by gym memberships, morning jogs, long walks, crunches, visits to the sports store and such other needless activities. Many a diets are put in place, lot of analysis done, lot of goggling done.
This is the most taxing stage on both the body as well as the purse. Not only money wasted on gym gear, diet food and the likes but the high level of optimism also results in renewed enthusiasm to shop and in the erstwhile sizes.
The smart ones don’t stay in this stage long. But some idiots just don’t get it.

Stage 3: Denial
This is the most human stage. Any psychologist will tell u about the denial stage in any psychological disorder (yes yes, that’s what it is… not a physical problem, but the psychological issue in dealing with the physical change). People believe that by denying their flab to themselves in public, it will go away. Some actually believe that it’s not a fat at all. A subject once told me it was just Gas!!
This stage is actually a sub-stage of stage 2. It is characterized by weird social behaviours. One starts pinching his flab in public places. One is also caught staring at other peoples obesity. Experts attribute this to the human tendency of trying to feel better by looking at other people being worse off (now there is a term for this but I don’t know it, ask the experts)
Some people attain temporary happiness in this stage. They are able to convince themselves on the absence of any additional adipose deposition in their body. Out, come the old tight fitting clothes again. Ofcourse, all this while, all the pointless actions of stage 2 are continuing.
This stage lasts quite long. After all, it will take time and effort to fool yourself. People are generally alternating between stage 2 and 3 for a while.

Stage 4: Learn to live with it
This is the stage which most people reach into after spending quite a while in stages 2 and 3 (the smart ones get there earlier though). It’s a state of acceptance or defeat (depending on your outlook). I would equate it to a 3-4 year old relationship. You have tried to change your partner, it won’t happen. Just accept your fate.
This stage is characterized by some smart decisions like buying clothes your size, cutting down on the diet and blowing lesser money on the gym.
At the start of this stage, the crunches go down in count and in severity, gym visits become less frequent and you break your “no desserts” promise more often. Gradually life goes back to the pre flab days. Of course it’s just not the same. Whenever you see someone working out you feel guilty. Eating a calorie loaded dessert will never be as much fun now. Ever shopping trip is a grim reminder that you are growing. If you had once wish in life …. you get the drift.

Stage 5: Self actualization
Contrary to conventional wisdom, not many people reach this stage. Most get stuck in stage 4. However, this stage is the state of highest happiness and nirvana. It is the stage all of us must aspire to get into. This stage is characterized by complete acceptance and a genuine love for your flab. I have an ex colleague S who to put it mildly has not seen his toes in years. However, the only thing S likes more than his food is his drinks (please to be noting the Plural). S epitomizes this stage. He is a married man and, as all married men would certify, his wife certainly nags him about his paunch. But S loves it. He feels it goes well with his larger than life personality. He loves the way it jiggles when he walks. He loves the way kids cling to him mistaking him for a teddy bear. S is self actualized. The biggest difference between him and a person in stage 4 is he enjoys his desserts without any guilt. He is happier.

So there you have it, the 5 stages. Now you can grow fat in peace.

The Zandu Balm Conundrum

Recently a song from the movie Dabaang is making waves. However, many people are confused about a particular line in the song. It goes like this

 'Munni Badnam hui, darling tere liye

Mein Zandu Balm hui, darling tere liye'

A lot of people are asking the question as to what does the 2nd line mean. While it may seem to be an illogical line, added to build rhyme (and probably controversy), I believe that this is one of the finest examples of poetry in recent times. If you don't believe me, here I have tried to give a few interpretations to the question "What does, 'Mein Zandu Balm Hui' mean?" Clearly, these are only a few that my meager intellectual faculties could conjure up. A more evolved analysis could lead to a few more interpretations to this immensely deep concept

Mein Zandu Balm Hui can be interpreted at various levels

1. At the literal level, the poet (that's mallika arora khan) wants to metamorphize into an ointment for her beau
2. At the figurative level, the poet wishes cure to cure all pains of her beau like an ointment would
3. At the socioeconomic level, it again shows the power to the free markets... the harried person seeks a cure for all his pains and has it ready in the light of a dancing hot poet for some cash... demand-supply at work
4. At the psychological level, this speaks of the poets desire to go to any lengths to impress a special someone, probably reflective of a deprived childhood or parenting issues
5. At the medicinal level, it eulogizes the amazing healing properties of the Zandu Balm
6. At the theosophical level, it again brings to fore the power of faith. Faith in Zandu Balm is a cure for all pains, a la faith in the almighty.

So as you can see, this line is very deep poetry which could have many connotations. One should not dismiss it as cheap, footage inducing lyrics alone. Next time you hear the song, give it some more respect and admire the depth of the poets statements. And do remember this analysis of mine!

Loss of Innocence

When do we stop trying
When do we start accepting

When do we stop finding newer things to do
When do we become slaves to routine

When do we stop accepting things at face value
When do we start doubting intentions

When do we stop seeing things for what they are
When does our vision get blurred by prejudices

When do things cease to be black and white
When do we start justifying the greys

When do we stop being objective
When do wonderful things start becoming objects

When do we stop admiring beauty
When does attraction turn to lust

When do we stop being sincere
When does hypocrisy set in

When do we stop constructing
When do we start deconstructing

When do we lose our innocence
When oh when does a child become a person

the avchitgad misadventure

After 2 earlier failed attempts, we finally planned to set of to Avchitgad on Saturday 24th July. It was a group of 7. Dhruwin was most keen and the first to confirm. There was a small period of time when pratik wasn't sure of joining and I was shuddering at the though of taking my Alto, instead of his Verna. Anyway all that worked out and the 7 member group was locked in by Thursday night.

Avchitgad is a fort in Roha taluka off NH17. It is a simple trek and we planned to climb from Meda village. Having planned the trek earlier, albeit as just an initial plan, and due to a very hectic week in office, I couldn't research much. However, I managed to get the necessary maps to the base village in place. Having heard that this is a simple trek, and having a high energy group, I didn't bother reading up on the trek route etc (assuming others would). Infact, so confident was I of the trek that I even planned a 2nd trek for the day if this one finished on schedule.

By Friday, I had arranged food in the base village (Meda) and we were all set. Or so it seemed. It had poured the previous day and Konkan was in disarray. Kundali river had overflowed and NH17 was shut for 3 hours. The train schedule was in a mess. Dipak pinged me on friday to check if I was taking a train. Anyway, the only effect of the Thursday chaos we saw were some major pot holes on NH17, some really swelled up rivers, heavy rainfall and thankfully, lesser traffic. We started almost on time, despite Prachi's best efforts. Mayank was the only person in the group who hadn't trekked in a while and so it was only his fitness I was worried about.

swelled up river ... anyone??

Adventure began immediately on starting when I realised I had forgotten the maps back home. Since it was a simple route, and we had Pratik's wonderful GPS console, we carried on and found Medha village without to much hassle. We took the Nagothane exit and then the Roha-Murud road. For this we had to cross an old dilapidated single way bridge over a swelling river and I made a mental note to avoid this route on the way back. The Roha-Murud road is a wonderful drive through a ghat we were soon in a mini Malshej with many beautiful small waterfalls around us. Finally we passed a waterfall we couldn't resist and stopped to check it out.

Checking out the fall

In Meda village, we met our hosts the Chandanes, told them to keep food ready by 2 and then parked and set off. We were advised to take a local along but decided otherwise, a decision I cribbed about many times during the day. The thing about trekking with 6 people who know its a pilot is that all are in a high state of excitement. Every local is asked directions and each member individually. Most interesting is Pratik, he is most keen to know how much time will we take to reach and would even ask this question to a tree if he didnt get find any new person to ask every 5 mins (Bart Simpson anyone). Anyway, after one local was piled on 2 times by groups of 3, we set off on what seemed like a narrow jungle path. The summary input was to climb up to the pass and then turn right towards the fort (a nobrainer considering the straight path was a descent into another village). After the initial hiccups, we were on course and soon hit the pass and turned right. We were clearly on the right track and also saw some arrows. By now, it was pouring cats and dogs but that apart, we had no other qualms.
However, soon the problems began. The road kept got flat and kept going on straight and the fort was clearly on our right a bit higher up. It seemed like we were circumnavigating the fort from the outside. We clearly had to turn right somewhere and were getting impatient at not getting a proper route. We decided to turn back and look for a turn, now to our left. Finally we found some weak routes and in our keenness to reach up climb one which looked most promising. After 5 minutes of what Dhruwin describes as "andha dhundi climbing" (climb towards ur destination, irrespective of there being a path) we reached a clearing and finally saw the fort wall. We had reached a dead end. This wall was built to stop much more nimble footed soldiers from scaling the fort. However, me and Dhruwin still tried to climb with without any success. We were now at our wits end. So near and yet so far. We just could not spot the entrance. There was a thought of camping here for a while and then heading back. Even the Dairy Milk Silk (which is generally reserved for atop or post descent) was removed and finished off. I took out my cell from its multi layer rain protection and called Dipak, since he had done the climb one month earlier. However, since I couldn't explain him my location, he couldn't help. Then I called our hosts, and luckily they figured where we are and gave us the correct advise. We had to continue going on the right of the fort and the entrance would come. From our position, we had to walk through thick bushes to reach the path again. We set off fighting through the thorny bushes. I kept to the back of the group, and soon heard a cry up front, "rasta mil gaya, arrow mil gaya." Soon were were at the entrance of the fort. The 1 hour climb had taken us 3.

It took us an hour to explore the massive fort. We found a lot of water tanks, temples, and finally the went to the spot we had lost hopes at. Despite the inclement weather, some pics were taken.

the multicoloured water tanks

the gang atop - no idea whats in store ahead

At about 3 pm, we began descending. Timekeeper Pratik decided that we should be down by 4 pm and no one disagreed. As with the whole trip so far, I sent Dhruwin up front and took the rear. It was going to be a simple descent, we had to just follow the arrows. Or so we thought!!!

Everyone was keen to know where we had lost our way. After all we had encountered arrows enroute and also at the end. Logically we kept descending along the arrow route. For a while we couldn't hit our ascent route. The fleeting though that we might be going the wrong way did occur to me and I also expressed it a couple of time. However, we concluded that we would descend within 50 meters of our starting point. Soon Dipak called to check if all was well. I also got a couple of SMSes. In all this confusion, I kept my cell in the pocket of my wind cheater. By now it was raining real hard (in case of any doubts on how hard, please read the papers of the last 3 days, Konkan is still disrupted and the railway has all but shut down). Mayank was feeling the descent and his knees were in a mess. I was most eager to reach down to end his agony. However, the route was completely different. Finally, we reached a clearing where we could see the hexagonal lake and pointed temple, which we had spotted next to our base village.Only problem was there was also a gushing river next to it. No one remembered the river but again we concluded that it would have sprung up due to all the rain. After all, how many villages have a hexagonal lake and a pointed temple!! Clearly, we had almost reached and the village was just behind the hillock on our left. By now every small altitude change was a big effort for Mayank and for his sake, I was really rooting for the descent to end.

If the river seemed like a small impediment initially, it turned into a major pain later. Our route directly ended into the river and there was nowhere else to go. At this point, there was a sinking feeling that we are lost and the arrows had been a fraud. Thankfully, we could see some villagers about a km away and so this seemed to be the logical route. However, try convincing your mind to cross a raging river when there is no visible path ahead.Here I took the lead and as all were looking, just started walking in. Soon wise sense prevailed and we formed a human chain and crossed. Clearly the river was not deep, but the force of the water was sufficient to drag us downstream.

A big sense of relief hit us after crossing the river as we again saw the arrows. This was clearly the route and we were not very far now. More importantly, it was flat walking from here on and we just had to round the hillock on our left. At 4.15 pm we were almost there. As always, we piled on the first villager we saw and asked directions (just to confirm). However, the lady seemed stunned and told us the village was very far back and to our right. She looked drunk and so we decided to go ahead and ask more people. All seemed to say the same. We concluded that all were drunk! None of us could believe that the village could be at the back and to the right. However, 20 different people cannot give wrong directions. Gradually it emerged that we were about 5-7 kms from Meda. Roha was 3 kms from our location. Some good villagers advised us to walk towards Roha and take a vehicle to Meda. I detected a few of them smirking when we asked directions. But I still couldnt reconcile to the fact that we were this lost. How could we be. By now, I was very pissed. I was clearly responsible for this trek and because of my lack of homework and alertness, we were in trouble. Thats not all, my cell was conked off due to the rain. We couldnt contact our hosts since only I had the number. There was no transportation options visible for miles. Abhishek was hit by a bout of sinus, Prachi was tired. Mayank's knees were a mess. There was no option but to reach Meda and fetch our cars. Also the poor hosts had prepared fod for 7 hungry trekkers. That had to be done justice to. Pratik who had been struggling all through the descent, suddenly became the cheerleader of the group. He pumped us all and decided that himself, dhruwin and I would run (yes run) ahead toward Roha and try and get some transport back, while the rest 4 walked behind. We ran for about a km, again much the amusement of the villagers. Pratik kept stopping at intervals to do his 'how far is it' routine. Finally after some running, brisk walking, give up walking and plenty of timekeeping, we reached Roha. We would have walked about 30 minutes to reach Roha. The trailing group was about a km behind us. Once again it hit me that they only have my number and my cell has conked. My sparking brilliance had overshadowed all proceedings. So I waited at the intersection while Pratik and Dhruwin went ahead to fetch an auto or 2. By the time the trailing group caught up, we had found 2 autos.

All lingering doubts I had on our location were settled. As confirmed later, we had descended on the wrong side of the pass. We were thus in a village on the other side of the fort. We were miserably lost and 7 kms from Meda. I got into my apologetic mode but was quite surprised to see all folks extremely happy. The adventure of getting lost, crossing the river and finding out way had been much more fun than a simple descent. Finally at 5.30 pm we reached Meda and rushed to eat without even changing. The wonderful lady (Mrs Chandane) showed us some sympathy and again reminded us that we had not heeded her advise of taking a local.  There is something about Prachi and village ladies. All of them start wanting to adopt her, teach her marathi and make her an ideal home maker. In the last trek, she had made Bhakri with the village lady. Here to she was in the kitchen discussing cost of living etc with her. Abhishek was clearly interested in the food alone.
 
Food time

I have always been biased towards village food, but that this food was phenomenal was a consensus. Dhruwin who is a vetran of 48 treks was most impressed. He has never eaten in the village. People had cribbed to me initially for arranging veg food, but I believe that was one (rare) wise decision I had made for the day. We had vatana sabzi, tandul roti, gehu roti, varan bhaat, salad and papad. The first time village eaters like Dhruwin and Mayank were stunned to contentment. The rest were just blissfully happy.

After the wonderful meal, we changed into dry clothes, had chai, thanked and paid our hosts profusely (as kudva said, screw the market) and set off. Driving was again a problem. Noone wanted Pratik to drive, as usual. Mayank gave up. Abhishek was looking dead (Sinus and then the subsequent medication). But he bravely decided to drive and I took the other car. All wet shoes n socks were packed into the boot and both car boots would have been smelling for days. While we avoided the rickety bridge on the way back, the pot holes on NH17 were tougher to miss. Night driving on this road after an exhausting trek is no walk in the park. But we managed. I gave up at Panvel and Pratik finally got to drive his car. On the way back, again we messed up as noone still had each others no. Inter car commmunication was a problem. Dhruwin kept us entertained by telling us more stories of his getting lost on treks. Finally it dawned to me that he was the reason and nothing else! We got home by 10 pm. It was an adventure I would not forget for a while. This blog will serve as a reminder when we converted a simple short trek into something memorable, albeit unintentionally.

Learnings for the day
1. Use your brains and do not keep your cell in your pocket during rains.
2. Most villages have a hexagonal lake and pointed temple
3. Dhruwin loves loosing the way, dont keep him in the front
4. Do not hoard on the groups mobile nos, share.
5. Even if its a simple trek, do your homework and stay alert.
6. If you take a right while going up, you must turn left when going down
6. Getting lost is awesome fun.

The Glorious 90's

Recently, while on a drive cum trek, 3 of our gang of 4 were my age. I played my famous best off 90s CD and all three of us sang along. The 4th Guy (18 year old) was just bored. Got me thinking on weather everyone loves the decade they grow up in or is this restricted to us lucky few who got the chance to grow up in the wonderful 90s. Does everyone have difficulty letting go? Is one always biased bout his times being the best?

I personally am convinced that the 90's were the best years to grow up in. I realise the bias in my view. However, let me give you some objective evidence to support my claim. Do feel free to lambast, rip apart, reinforce etc, but in brief.

1. Economy: 
After the gloom of the 80's, the 90's brought hope, the economy opened up... middle class had some money to spend. This was however restricted and the over exuberance of 2000's wasn't there. McDonald's was still a premium brand and a mall still aspirational. A Levis was something to be worn on your birthday and I still remember enjoying my first can of Pepsi for 30 minutes.

2. Television: 
Doordarshan was at its programming best. Also, came the satellite television boom. Programming standards would have only improved since but then again there is too much clutter in the 2000's. Even average programs of that decade like 'Stone boy' remain etched in our memory. The legendary ones like Surabhi will always be revered. Indian private television media was born out of NDTV's 'World this Week. Election coverage saw a new revolution. There was average amount of good television compared to today's good amount of average television. We can even recollect the good commercials of the time. Ask someone to recall an ad from 2005 now.

3. Music:
Undoubtedly the shining star of the decade. 90's positively had the best music. After a very average 80's (how many 80s numbers do u hear on the radio in a month?) 90s got back with a bang. While 70s music is also in a class of its own, what strikes out in the 90s is also the variety. 1990 saw the debut of A R Rahman, of whom, I don't need to say much, except that his freshest n best work came in that decade.
After the false starts of the 80's, 90's also saw the the real start of the indi pop (Baba Sehegal ki jai) and indi rock thanks to MTV and the satellite television. There was finally a platform for the talented musicians who didn't want to do bollywood. Brilliant bands like Euphoria, Silk Route etc came to the fore apart from a large number of one-hit wonders. The Indian rocker got his opportunity (which has finally manifested into success in the next decade). We got a flavour of Pakistani music. English music was no longer restricted to MJ's Thriller. One negative aspect was the rise n rise of bhangda music. Anyone and everyone who knew Punjabi or had set foot in a London pub was suddenly trying to cut an album. Thankfully, only the talented survived.

4. Games:
Growing up in the 90s was the best of both worlds. Television had arrived and thrived but was not all pervasive. Play station did not exist and Attari was not as good. We had enough motivation to go out and play. There weren't enough parks and very few building had its own swimming pool and garden. It was find your own space and make your own game (I never learnt to hit the ball on the leg side and our compound had none). Education was not that cut throat. No day was complete without 2 hours playing down, even if it was the exam week. Kids today don't have the time or inclination to enjoy playing Lagoori, Sankali, Dabba I Spies, Chor police etc. These games built character like no play station ever could.

5. Movies: 
Cant say that the best cinema was made in the 90's. That would be untrue. However, the decade did allow for some flexibility in main stream. Finally the hero could be flawed, the heroine could wear short clothes (thank you Urmila) and not every movie had a villain to be bashed up in the end. Yash Chopra took us all over Europe and Bollywood was suddenly big time into tourism. I would say that a lot of the variety seen in cinema of the 2000's came about due to the small risks taken in the 90's.

6. Fashion: 
No one will dispute this point. After the Bell bottoms of the 70s and the tight white trousers n white shoes of the 80s, the 90s was a big relief. Except for a short craze for pyjamas and shiny leather pants, it was basic denims and floaters. I don't think a lot of us will look back at our childhood and teenage snaps and cringe like our seniors would. The fashion of the 2000s has thankfully not deviated far from this.

7. Literature Books

There certainly were no crosswords and landmark in the 90s. But there was a gr8 exchange market for Enid Blyton's, Hardy Boys and Archie comics. One just needed to buy 1 good book and then exchange it with 10 friends to read 10 more good ones.

All in all, the 90s were certainly the most interesting times to grow up in. Life was not all that tough but things were not always easily available. Hence, our generation grew up more aware, but more responsible.

Politics of Rabblerousing

1 day after local political parties fell over each other trying to establish their love for the state, some views that I have been thinking on. Let me pre-warn that these are my personal views and there may be factual gaps due to my limited research and knowledge. Also, one may choose to disagree, but it has to be done maturely. Please post comments, if you wish, but no long sermons.

9th March 2010, Raj Thackeray celebrates the 4th anniversary of MNS. Immediately after that, some party people go and throw stones at an Airtel Office. Their reason, some service that Airtel was not providing in a local language. Cut to March 2006, after touring some parts of the state, Raj Thackeray announces the founding of MNS. His first speech is quite a surprise. Anyone who has some awareness of his ways, was expecting a hard line agenda. However, he surprises all by talking of development and development only. I am discussing this with an office colleague and it seems to us that he was clearly trying to align to a more moderate line and target a larger segment of the youth, and honestly, as much as I was aware of lack of intention, I am heartened by the assessed approach. Ofcourse very few will remember this now.

So what changed - The first election results. Raj Thackeray realised that while his moderate stand and pro development agenda was getting him positive reviews, it stopped at that. He hardly got any votes and drew blanks in the first few elections the MNS stood in. Soon he changed course and by late 2007, the MNS had firmed up an anti migrant (specifically North Indian) agenda. Raj was clearly unapologetic on his views and more the English media castigated him, more it helped him in his positioning. Congress's tacit support helped. The 2009 assembly elections saw MNS beating the Sena in Mumbai and Nasik and clearly chipped away a huge chunk of the Sena vote. While some people may have been surprised by the quantum of their vote, not too many were surprised by the overall trend. Immediately the Sena went on an attack to protect its vote bank and since then the Marathi Manoos has had everyone falling over to please him. Thus, the over board approach to Maharashtra day yesterday.

So whats my point here. The above is just an example of what I have observed in Indian politics over a few analysis. To create a loyal vote bank out of zilch, one cannot take a slightly off center stand. One has to go hammer n tongs on an issue that matters deeply to a few to establish to them unequivocally that you are 100% committed to the same. The vote bank does not evaluate you objectively on your intentions (for example, Raj Thackeray's kids go to a high society cbse English medium school that still has Bombay in its name) but focuses more the decibel and destruction levels of your campaign. This is precisely where the English media has contributed to Raj Thackeray's growth. By giving him so much negative attention, they have helped him remain in the lime light and also won him more sympathy from those who are leaning to the Marathi manoos cause. I admire the man for his political acumen. He deliberately chose to give all interviews in Marathi in the run up to 2009 assembly. Moreover, he chose to allow the English media to take his case (most will remember the Rajdeep Sardesai interview), where possible ,to increase his vote banks loyalty. Congress was smart enough to not arrest him, they realised it would only make them the villain and help his cause a lot more than they wanted.

One has to be a Rahul Gandhi to be able to take a rationalist view on issues and gain positive votes for the stand. This will not dent the traditional vote base and will only add. Raj Thackeray may be capable taking the rationalist view, but he will not capture a vote bank for it. Politics of rabble rousing is an essential ingredient for any nascent political party to establish itself. One cannot take a moderate stand and survive. One has to identify a cause significant to a few. Moreover, stating ones support for a cause is not sufficient, one has to destroy public property and cause disruptions to be able to gain political mileage from the stand. TRS is an example here. Even if the BJP supports the Telangana cause for a few years now, it is only the TRS and its ways that help them gain votes on basis of their stand. Ditto will happen in case of Vidharbha, where again BJP is pro division. Expect a Vidharbha Rashtra Samiti or something similar to come up soon and start attacking public property and then end up with 5-10 MLAs in the assembly putting token protests once in a while!

So now that we have established the point, let us try and see why the politics of rabble rousing actually works. Few reasons that I have derived are

1. Development is a much maligned word. It is thrown around all the while by all and sundry. No voter believes a politician when he uses the D word. Only a Shiela Dixit and a Narendra Modi can get away with those for a while, that to after proving themselves over a few terms. No one is going to believe K Chandrashekar Rao or Raj Thackeray if they harp the development agenda.
2. Attention spans of people are dwindling. No one remembers (or cares for) what you said 2 years ago. Its your current stand that matters and there to, its what you say that matters. Who cares weather you walk your talk or genuinely mean what is said.
3. Bulk of the educated and thinking class (which may be a bit less susceptible to point 2 above) finds it below its dignity to vote (and I have every right to criticize here as i have not missed casting my vote in any election). Clearly a lot of us just want to do token lip service. And ofcourse, we are champions at externalising. So we will not vote since we don't find any candidate suitable. We will not bother that, our not voting, is leading to the political parties to put up candidates who will appeal to those, who will vote come what may! I have very strong views against my elitist friends from south Mumbai who went all bonkers after 26-11 coining slogans and joining facebook communities like 'Enough is Enough' but then skipped voting in the election 4 months later as it was too hot or the kids had their summer vacations (Colaba recorded a pathetic 40% turn out, hypocrites). So since majority of the rationalist do not vote, why bother targeting them.
4. Media loves sensationalism. The smart politicians have realised this and are using the media to propagate their views. Cause some mayhem and suddenly you are on national news. Even Barkha Dutt (sic) wants to interview you and in conjunction to point 2 above, you have arrived in main stream.

So now that we have established the point and the cause, whats the way forward. Clearly words like raising awareness etc do not work. We have to take our democracy and its polity for what it is. Even the level of maturity and fairness in the system is a miracle for a country with 1 billion people, deep prejudices, limited levels of education and the arrogance of the educated class. I clearly do not have a solution. But I do believe that understanding the problem is part of the battle won. And hopefully as more of the educated and aware classes start voting, this point will get less relevant. And once again, for yet another reason, I believe that our immature media needs greater regulations.

Things and People I have never understood

1. Airline Passengers, be it the jeans n tee strutting budget traveler or the tie n laptop variety of corporate travelers (really pity the later souls actually)

a. Their inexplicable knack of queuing up to get anywhere... be it while checking in (the bus will not leave without u buddy) or piling at the door of the bus (the flight will not leave without u buddy) or in the aisle when the flight lands. The last one I find most strange since it is obvious to all that, one can only alight when the ladder is out and besides, one will still have to wait for the bus and then the bags... so what value is served by standing at all those awkward angles and violating each others personal space?
b. Their absolute need to remain connected to the rest of the world all the time. Dude, cell phones were not invented for the first 20 odd years of your existence and you managed just fine. So why don't u just follow the law and switch off your phone. Also, why cant you wait for the flight to come to a halt before switching it back on. It may seem like a pointless rule to you but whosoever has made it probably knows more about communication systems than you and me. Besides, ain't you the guy who cringes n cribs when he sees someone else breaking rules outside of this aeroplane?

2. The auto rickshaw wallah
As a supply chain guy, system efficiency is always top on my priority list. Thus, I have always had issues with the auto rickshaw driver and his absolute disdain for the same. He is always cutting lanes and causing more traffic mayhem, thereby increasing travel time for himself and everyone else without realising that this is also reducing his fuel efficiency and hence increasing his costs. I have tried to explain this logic to a few of them but it seldom has any impact

3. Timelines of road projects
Why does it take longer to build a small bridge, when large apartment complexes get made in shorter durations. Why don't the authorities cost the loss to the county in the reduced fuel efficiency of all cars stuck in consequent jam. If this is done, one would realise how much we are losing every day the project is delayed. This penalty should then be recovered from the delaying agency and all concerned.

4. News channels
Their total confidence in the intellectual disability of their viewer is quite strange. While sensationalizing, reporting unconfirmed data and subtly passing off opinions as news is endemic problem, what I cant fathom is their insistence on repeatedly bombarding you with the same point in 5 different sentence constructions, 15 times. Most irritating is the live correspondent who seldom has anything new to add but insists on repeating all the facts 2-3 times and refuses to go back to the studio... Footage-hungry bugger!
Thank god for online news sites, I have not seen TV news for almost 2 months now.

5. Random Studies
"A recent study has found that being born is the chief cause of death. After 2 years of studying 20000 deaths over that have occurred 200 years, researches have concluded that 99.93% of the people who died were indeed born, thus establishing without doubt the correlation"
The above may have been inspired from onion (check it out) but you get the drift. Loads of money is wasted establishing correlations which are plainly obvious and loads of news space allocated to publishing such pointless results. Bulk of them are pertaining to how exercise can reduce obesity, prevent xyz disease etc. Cant you guys just state the obvious and stop wasting everyone's time and money in establishing it!

Of ethics in marketing

“Complan peene waale bacchen badhe baki bacchon se teen guna jyada!”

Thus goes the punchline of the latest campaign by Complan. And suddenly it hits me… all these years of cursing our genes. All these years of looking up at the tall Europeans. Darn, if only our ancestors had discovered Complan earlier, we would have ended up being a taller race. Darn, if I had switched from bournvita back then, I could have been a 6 footer by now… stupid me getting conned by the catchy jingle.

I am sure you get the drift of my sarcasm. It’s clearly stupid to believe that one energy drink can impact your height or make you grow faster. But then again, why are they claiming such. And why is there an independent study to back this claim. Then again, this is just one example of so many such campaigns.

In MBA, I belonged to the famous majority of confused about career choice. I clearly liked operations and supply chain, but with the limited courses and career opportunities on offer, I had realized my passion a bit too late, or so I thought. Consequently, as a back up, I took a few marketing courses. Marketing was definitely interesting (much more than finance definitely) and I did manage to get a hang of it. Ofcourse, I did not share the same level of passion that I saw in some of my batch mates, nor was did I dwell on it enough to gain “greater insights”. I did manage to get a job in one of the FMCG cos in sales but to the best of my memory, the interview was mainly personals and the guy was quite impressed by my passion for F1 and event organizing rather than any marketing insights I might have had. Moral of the story, I would certainly have been a very ordinary brand manager, if ever I survived to make it there. Moreover, my marketing knowledge is half baked and can be looked at as an outsider’s perspective (too many rides, criticism wary are us!).

However, it not the fact that I would be doing something that interest me less or something that I would be just about average at (small assumption here that I am good at what I do right now) that makes me shudder at the thought. It is the thought that I could have been that brand manager responsible to developing the campaign above, and such others. I mean, what if I was the brand manager required to deliver the above positioning? One skill that I might have been able to put to use is a good knowledge of stats which might help tamper the sample data and hence results of the “independent research”.

Supply chain (especially outbound logistics) is so much simpler. You do not have to fight with your conscience at basic levels. Your job is to get things done most efficiently and at the least cost. No real conflicts there. Ofcourse sometimes there are ethically tough decisions to be made, but then, those are seldom in the realm of fooling someone (whom you are supposed to worship) with inadequate and wrong information. It is a problem that I see mainly in sales and marketing.

Ofcourse, unlike lawyers and politicians, not everything that a marketing guy does is evil. Clearly, brand positioning and hence communication is just one of the many things a marketer does. Moreover, not every brand communication is filled with lies. To my knowledge, Brand communication has 3 objectives and hence types

1. Communicating the functional attributes of your product (or category in its nascent stage)
2. Creating an aspirational value for the brand (a la pepsi, adidas etc)
3. Providing customer insights on why your brand is better than competition

It is point 3 (and in a tighter interpretation, point 1) that I see most disturbing and gray. My limited experience in the paint industry leads me to believe that any product is a slave to its technical design. No two products are directly comparable. Moreover, especially in case of competitive products from big brands, it is very difficult to hit a winner. So while your product may be better off in some attributes, in others, it may not meet up to competition parameters.

Now the question for a sales or marketing guy is, would you put all facts on the table and let the customer make his decision, or would you go hammer and tongs on the attributes that are superior. Would you get “independent studies” carried out to back up your claims? Or would you just make a convenient interpretation of some tangential fact and make a claim that is unverified? (an old example in this regard http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?204602)

More interestingly, What if you yourself believe that your product is inferior (and also badly priced) compared to a competition product?

Marketing as a field throws some really tough ethical questions, especially for the guy who genuinely believes that the customer is the king. (A good king, not a stupid one who should only be told what you deem is relevant)

Ofcourse, these problems are not restricted to marketing. They are also linked to product design. Infact the product design team has the tough job of working in the tightest of constraints. Possibly, it is they who come up with some of the most creative tests and results to establish the superiority of the product they have designed. However, they are not the ones talking to the customer. Moreover, since that was never in my list of options, nor are any of my potential readers in that field, I will leave them out of this discussion for now.

So here is the question to all my brand manager friends, would you go ahead any glorify your product based on incorrect/incomplete/conveniently doctored information? Would you let yourself be a party to the Complan campaign as it is? Or am I missing something here?