Of Marriages

And they keep falling like nine pins. Its carnage, its a bloodbath I tell you. 

Finally, even the last bastion of bachelorhood has fallen... the person whose exploits as a serial wedding attender raised some sniggers, whose life of gay abandon raised some envy and whose parents had almost lost hope in ever knowing his whereabouts. Yes ladies and gentlemen, yours truly is taking the plunge this calendar year. However that is not the objective of this blog.

The objective of this blog is to talk about 2 bastions, that have been swaying and tipping and leaning and trying to fall for a while now. 2 bastions, that are spoken of in reverence, that are the epitomes of bachelorhood, if there is was any such thing. The 2 bastions of bachelorhood of Asian Paints, Pradeep Vedula 'Shastry' and Sabyasachi 'Sabhya' Ghosh.

Former roommates, its hard to tell which one has jinxed the others endeavors of getting hitched. However, one of the two has definitely got the shaadi dev (marriage gods or as they say in Sabhya's town, shaadi deb) pissed. For not only have the 2 been struggling to find their life partner (despite a very passionate effort in this regard), their effects are also rubbing in on their younger and hence less eligible roommates. Infact, legend goes that, at one time, anyone who shared a room with Shastry (including women ;) ) got married within 6 months. However, its been so long that noone even remembers the last time that happened.

Lets first talk about the 100 kg, lean, mean, soccerball kicking machine, Sabhya. At 31, the gentle giant is quite young by bengali arranged marriage standards. However, in the his opinion, he is ready and has been ready since the last 4 years. It seemed to us that he indicated his readiness by buying a fridge. Imagine, which bachelor would waste his hard earned money on a fridge, especially in his nomadic days of house shifting every 6-8 months. Many a moons have passed since Sabhya bought his fridge. It has been the only constant in his life since. Roommates have come and gone, cities, houses and work roles have changed. Even many a potential prospects have come and gone. The fridge remains Sabhya's best companion. It is also his most beloved companion. Sabhya has deep passionate affection for his food and that automatically translates into a lusting for his fridge. However, as materialistic as his reasons may be, I think its time Sabhya commits himself to his fridge. He should get married to it. Self and Shastry have also determined a few strong arguments in favour... a la 10 reasons why Sabhya should marry his refrigerator... here goes

1. It is the most imp thing in his life 
2. He has been found manyatimes craving for his fridge in the middle of the night 
3. Sometimes he dreams of his fridge
4. If stranded on a deserted island, the only thing he wants for company is his fridge
5. Given a choice, he would love to sleep with his fridge beside him  
6. Coz his fridge would say things that women say about men.. like
1. "He can never get his hands off me"
2. "He is always licking and biting"
3. "and drooling at the sight of me"
4. "sometimes i feel i am nothing but a piece of furniture in the room"
7. And finally, Sabhya’s fridge will always live in fear of a new, younger, more voluminous fridge coming into his life…

So that one being settled, we now come to the 2nd object of this blog. Shastry, the man who can eat like an elephant and still look like a rat (imagine how much he must excrete). In his case, there is actually not much to be said. His is a man of modest expectations. All he wants is a extremely fair, fantastic looking, very hawt, totally wife material by nature, awesome cook or all rice dishes, constant food providing, intellectually and verbosely brilliant, Telugu brahmin girl from a good family who will dote on him. Oh, and she should not be from his gothram and the kundalis must match. He is after all a man of simple taste and balanced expectations. We wonder why our tall, dark and handsome friend hasn't found her yet. Well, wonders never cease. However, I have a solution. A la Aishwarya Rai.

The best solution for Shastry is to marry a tree. 

After that, all his bad luck will change and befall on the girl who he then finds. So if anyone knows a nice good Telugu tree from a good family and different gothram, do suggest. A food giving tree preferred. If not for your love for Shastry, then for the love of humanity, and his poor bachelor roommates.